Ed Balls and the Wreaths - A fat boy did it and ran away

Apparently the excuse for claiming for wreaths by Ed Balls is as follows

The claim for a wreath was submitted in error by a staff member, as part of reimbursement for the up front costs she paid for organising 2 veterans badge presentation ceremonies for constituents, including for room hire at Parkside Methodist Church & Wrenthorpe Village Hall. Ed paid for wreaths every year – in 2005/06/07 & 2008- & this claim should never have been submitted in 2007. As soon as it was brought to Ed’s attention by the Fees Office he immediately reimbursed the staff member personally as he has done every other year. No erroneous payment was made by the Fees Office.

So of course it's not his fault, he uses the Fat boy did it excuse and runs away from any responsibility. These are his expenses and he is responsible for them.

A Wreath of Shame for Ed Balls

Ed Balls horror at being told he had to pay for Wreaths

After the post I wrote on James Gray who claimed for wreaths on his expenses I see that that paragon of virtue Ed Balls has done exactly the same thing. Well he is also an a***hole of the largest variety. Let us hope the media go to town on him as well, though it looks like the Daily Telegraph are trying to hide this story for some reason.

I know that attending memorial services is something that many MP's have to do as part of their duties but claiming for wreaths is just not morally correct, it speaks of disrespect for the dead and for their friends and families.

MPs' expenses: Alistair Darling's claim for help with his tax return - Telegraph

We will make a happy childhood a reality for all

According to Ed Balls writing in the Independent, Labour will

make a happy childhood a reality for all

Next week they will be nailing jelly to the ceiling of the Houses of Parliament.

What Mr Balls is writing is amazingingly similar to his name. He is in fact asking us to accept a greater and greater role in the upbringing of our kids by the state, as us poor parents, are all incapable of doing this whilst Mr Balls and his partner Yvette Cooper are experts, of course. This is typical NuLab thinking at it's worst. One typical quote from the article is as follows

"But schools know that they also have a vital role to play in addressing the broader 'opportunity gap' and tackling all the barriers to learning in and out of school. From birth to the age of majority, we need to give young people the support they need to stay safe, and be healthy, happy and make the most of their talents."

Now don't get me wrong schools have a large part to play in the education of my kids, but kids biggest support should not be the state it should be proper family life.

Contrast Mr Ball's writing with the speech David Cameron will give on Monday to Relate. He will say:

'Britain has one of the highest rates of family breakdown in Europe. And we also have some of the worst social problems."That's why I say it's time for change: to make this country more family-friendly so we can turn around the social breakdown, turn around the crime and antisocial behaviour, turn around this unacceptable situation where our cost of living's going up and the quality of life is going down.
'I don't think we'll ever get to the heart of the big problems we face, from crime and anti-social behaviour to welfare dependency and educational failure; from debt and drug addiction to entrenched poverty and stalled social mobility, if we don't help the best institution in our country - the family - do the vital work it does in bringing up children.
'What that help is - and how it is delivered - will be among the defining social reforms of the next Conservative Government.
Mr Cameron will say: 'The number one challenge in this country today is to strengthen our society. There is no more important way of doing that than strengthening families, and there's nothing more important to families than the strength of their relationships.
'This isn't comfortable territory for politicians. Our relationships break down and fail just like other people's, arguably more so. This goes to the heart of people's personal lives - and some might say the best thing politicians can do is keep their noses out. But I think that's a bit of a cop-out.

Now I know which of these two scenarios I would want for my children.

Ed Balls: We will make a happy childhood a reality for all - Commentators, Opinion - The Independent:

Programming Balls

Over at the Devils Kitchen ( A right good Sweary Fest in case you didn't already know), The Devil had delivered his idea of the best Quote of the Day from the Tory Conference via Caroline Hunt

Quote of the Day from Dizzy.

"Sometimes I have to adjust my balls because they hang to the left and I worry they might be ideologically unsound."

But being Dizzy, he doesn't have to do it himself, he has written a script to do it; it'll be something like this, I imagine.

1. IF {balls}=[align: left] GOTO 3 ELSE GOTO 2


2. IF TIME ELAPSED=30 GOTO 1


3. MOVE {right_hand} TO {balls} GOTO 4


4. CUP {balls} WITH {right_hand} GOTO 5


5. MOVE {balls} + SHIFT {right_leg [surrepticiously]} GOTO 6


6. LOCK {balls}=[align: right] GOTO 7


7. SOUND={"GRUNT" [contentedly]} GOTO 8


8. IF TIME ELAPSED=30 GOTO 1

There then follows a number of examples of Ball Programming in a number of languages until my attempt as follows:

Meanwhile, self-confessed "old-timer" Fitaloon decided that what was really needed was a Cobol programme.

IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
PROGRAM-ID. ConservativeBalls.
AUTHOR. Fitaloon

DATA DIVISION.
WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.
01 BallsPosition.
03 BallSide PIC X(5).
88 Balls-correct value "Right".
88 Balls-Incorrect Value "Left"
01 Ballstoright
03 Ballsright pic x(5) value "Right".


PROCEDURE DIVISION.
Begin.
DISPLAY "Enter Balls Position Left or Right".
ACCEPT BallsPosition.
If Balls-incorrect
move Ballstoright to Ballsposition.
Display "Balls in correct Position".
STOP RUN.

Ah, geek humour...

First Cobol programme I have attempted in some years (too many to remember).

I have a feeling my older attempts may have been rather better as they kept me gainfully employed for about 15 years.

The Devil's Kitchen: Tory Conference Quote To End All Quotes

Stealing Your BallsMoney

Via Croydonian we find the story of how Ed Balls and his Master Gordon(Joe to my enemies) Brown will not only be Burning our Money, but also Stealing our Money.

Now I'm sure that amongst these accounts untouched for 15 years there will be some genuinely "dead" accounts, and much better than going to the banks, the money is used sensibly, but think on the following.

If at the birth of your son/daughter you drop a quick £1000 in an account for the wee sprog and Grannies and Grandad then chuck in a few bob to help it along (Those Tuition Fees are so expensive nowadays).
Now at 21 the slightly larger sprog discovers that forgotten account book hiding in the back of the drawers that he's been using for furniture in his first flat and thinks, oh wow, money to pay off that large overdraft from going through University, what happens?

He pops along to the local bank, hands over his account book and says give me the money. Then the sad tale unfolds. Unfortunately your nice Mr Balls has snaffled it to pay for that nice Olympic Games back in 2012, (Interest on £30 billion is a lot you know).

According to that nice Mr Balls it will all be simple to "reclaim" the money, but if you've ever tried to get money out of a bank or the government you'll know that the words simple do not apply. Mix the two together and in two shakes you'll have written your will and passed the account onto your kids.


Ed Balls publishes consultation document on unclaimed asset scheme