What's eating Campbell

Alastair Campbell froths at the mouth about the possibility of Cameron and the Tories being the next government in this article in the New Statesman. He really is a piece of work. His real problem is that he can't see past the old style "class" wars. These disappeared years ago, but he is stuck in Labour time lock which refuses to see that the world moves on. His hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Some quotes from the article

I cannot stand the sight of the Tories getting smugger and smugger, thinking they can waltz back into power when they have done nothing to deserve it.

Smug you couldn't get any smugger than Alastair!
Next we have this piece of garbage about doffing caps and toffs

Much more than here, the old class structures still have a certain hold in our country, I am afraid to say, and there is a lot of cap-doffing going on. With him as leader and Boris Johnson in the mayor's office - quite a lot of the highly paid people running the newspapers and broadcasts and filling the columns have no trouble with a bunch of Old Etonians running the country from White's.

"But it is the last thing Britain needs, not after all the progress we've made towards a truly meritocratic country. Cameron's speech at his conference showed that once you get [past] his youth and his cherubic looks, there is nothing much new Tory about him," Campbell said. "There was also a nastiness there that will have surprised a few people - all that rubbish about teachers refusing to put plasters on kids' knees and soldiers not being respected in their communities. What complete cock.

Stunning, he has no idea about real life and what goes on in the UK these days.


New Statesman - What's eating Campbell

Programming Balls

Over at the Devils Kitchen ( A right good Sweary Fest in case you didn't already know), The Devil had delivered his idea of the best Quote of the Day from the Tory Conference via Caroline Hunt

Quote of the Day from Dizzy.

"Sometimes I have to adjust my balls because they hang to the left and I worry they might be ideologically unsound."

But being Dizzy, he doesn't have to do it himself, he has written a script to do it; it'll be something like this, I imagine.

1. IF {balls}=[align: left] GOTO 3 ELSE GOTO 2


2. IF TIME ELAPSED=30 GOTO 1


3. MOVE {right_hand} TO {balls} GOTO 4


4. CUP {balls} WITH {right_hand} GOTO 5


5. MOVE {balls} + SHIFT {right_leg [surrepticiously]} GOTO 6


6. LOCK {balls}=[align: right] GOTO 7


7. SOUND={"GRUNT" [contentedly]} GOTO 8


8. IF TIME ELAPSED=30 GOTO 1

There then follows a number of examples of Ball Programming in a number of languages until my attempt as follows:

Meanwhile, self-confessed "old-timer" Fitaloon decided that what was really needed was a Cobol programme.

IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
PROGRAM-ID. ConservativeBalls.
AUTHOR. Fitaloon

DATA DIVISION.
WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.
01 BallsPosition.
03 BallSide PIC X(5).
88 Balls-correct value "Right".
88 Balls-Incorrect Value "Left"
01 Ballstoright
03 Ballsright pic x(5) value "Right".


PROCEDURE DIVISION.
Begin.
DISPLAY "Enter Balls Position Left or Right".
ACCEPT BallsPosition.
If Balls-incorrect
move Ballstoright to Ballsposition.
Display "Balls in correct Position".
STOP RUN.

Ah, geek humour...

First Cobol programme I have attempted in some years (too many to remember).

I have a feeling my older attempts may have been rather better as they kept me gainfully employed for about 15 years.

The Devil's Kitchen: Tory Conference Quote To End All Quotes